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New Rules for Real Love: Are you Really Loving?

by Matt on February 2, 2014

As we draw closer to Valentine’s Day, and the topic of Love comes up in many families and partnerships, I keep being drawn to share an alternative view of Love.

When you read the following words what comes to mind? Unconditional Love.

I would guess that it’s something like, “that’s nice for Jesus, but it doesn’t really work like that in the real world.”

Do we really have the capacity to “Love” each other, and the world we interact with, unconditionally?
Without conditions?

I can already hear the “How can I Love Hitler?” and “How can I Love OJ Simpson?” and How can I love that “a–%*@!” who just cut me off in traffic! He almost caused a wreck and is treating me like I don’t exist!”

I resonate with the skepticism and ill feelings towards the unmistakable lack of caring in these situations. Just a mention of these people and situations trigger feelings in us. I’ve had these feelings. I’ll probably have them again. However, thoughtless drivers, careless maniacs, and even sociopathic-suicidal tyrants get a lot less of my energy these days. Is it loving, or actually helping anything, to fume, to yell, to gossip or talk about how they are wrong and you are right.

When you get angry and continue to direct energy towards these situations through cyclical thinking, screaming, or even talking about them over and over, as your “story,” you are giving credence and energy to the situation and you will experience a loss of personal power. Afterwards you might feel “drained.” Viewing these situations with compassion, Love, understanding and even gratitude for the lesson being offered is how you gain personal power through challenging situations. If you have trouble stopping repetitive or intrusive thoughts, then do the practices I teach such as the breath-work, “giving it to Source,” the periscope technique, meditation, etc… The tools are there. Use them.

I’m certainly not suggesting that we allow maniacs to run rampant and give up all laws and attempts to retain some order in this world. What I propose is that you look at Love differently, and see if there is a way to reduce the lack of Love in your own world.

Try these perceptions about Love on to see if any of them might help you in your conflicts:

1. Love is not something you have or don’t have, it just is. Like electricity, it’s there whether you can see it or not.
2. The Love you feel towards someone you really like, can just as easily be felt towards someone you don’t really like- with practice.
2.5 If you Love yourself completely, you will Love everyone else completely.
3. When employing Unconditional Love, you get to the heart of the matter more quickly and the conflict you are dealing with no longer has an opposition and so it dissipates rapidly.
4. Love can be giving yourself to something, or taking yourself away from something.
5. Sometimes what we feel as love towards another person is really sexual attraction that will be gone quickly once the sexual urge has been satisfied or the possibility has passed. You can become aware of the difference and achieve clarity about how to use this awareness to empower you rather than get you entangled in confusion.
6. When you are not “feeling the Love” it is still there, and you can choose it, and you can get better at locating and resonating with the Love in every situation.
7. Love is letting go. Controlling is how you try to shape the outside world to fit a limited idea of what you want, and letting go is trusting that you can’t see everything that might be happening in a situation and that the universe may have something even better for you than what you think you want.
8. There is a lot of confusion about Love in our current culture, and you can become clear about Love.
9. Learning about Love, practicing Love, and ultimately achieving a state of continuous resonance with the present moment, where Love resides, is where you are going. It takes work, but has a huge pay-off if you are willing to uncover where you are not loving yourself and align with Love consciously.
10. When you Love, the Universe shows you more things to Love, and when you judge, hate, control, the universe shows you more of that, which is still just a way it asks you this question: “are you ready to learn how to Love everything?”
11. Aligning with Love consciously gets easier as you practice.

As you let some of this sink in, try writing down which of these statements you agree with or don’t agree with and why. Just write and let yourself explore the topic. (upcoming classes in Texas)

And, let me know if I can help you!

~Matt

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PS. This Blog is not meant to be an exhaustive explanation about Love, it is meant to stimulate you to think about where you might help yourself be more loving by trying some different perspectives on Love.

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